I first heard the term “tough love” after receiving a chewing out from my older brother when I was about 6 years old. I had crashed my brother’s brand new Pocket Rocket that he had just gotten for Christmas. He beat the breaks off of me and told me it was “Tough Love”. It stood out to me that the two words Tough and Love could fit into the same sentence together and make sense. I took my beating and learned through the experience not to treat others property with less care than my own. I also learned a very important lesson about leadership: Love is the key ingredient to lead. Through sports and other competitive endeavors I’ve experienced, the best coaches and teachers have always led through love. There are many ways to accomplish the sense of love and care. From my brother beating me up for crashing his Bike, all the way to consoling someone for losing a loved one. Leadership doesn’t come with a manual but it comes with a foundation of principles that must be followed to reach certain goals. Have you ever been apart of a team that is led by someone who asks you to do things that they don’t do? Have you ever been “led” by someone who doesn’t know the first thing about what you have been through? If your answer is yes, I’m willing to bet that your team wasn’t very successful. People want to be heard and cared for. This is no different than having a spouse or companion that wants to be heard during a conflict. The only way is love. I recently heard a quote from “Serendipity with Inky Johnson”, a podcast from Inky Johnson. The quote says, “The problem that coaches have is they aren’t coachable”. The best leaders show humility and submit their ego to serve a group of individuals that need love. In today’s trying times, people live on edge. The old adage of “Tough Love” might not be too successful in these fragile and conflict filled environments. Tough love can still be achieved but most don’t respond to tough love as they used to. People are hurt, broken, and drained. Life has become harder as tensions in daily interactions grow. When was the last time you asked someone how they were and took the time to genuinely listen? Empathy is another key ingredient to leadership and it goes hand in hand with love. You cannot love someone without trying your hardest to understand why they are the way they are. You cannot lead someone without loving them in some aspect or another. Styles and tactics vary but the principles stay the same. Leadership is love and love is leadership. Be cognizant of the people you come across and start to pay attention to how interactions go. Are you asking how people are doing, with care and empathy? Are you serving the people the way that fits them the best? Most importantly, are you displaying love in a gentle and genuine way? The answer to these questions will lead you down a path of true leadership and service. Love is the key ingredient to leadership but also the most overlooked. Leading through love is and will always be important. Finding your personal style and tactics through daily interactions will lead you to love.
